he is home!

well he got home om Tuesday i have been a little busy running around getting things ready and now juts enjoying having him home. i was so sacred remmi wouldn't go 2 him but it was all of 5 sec and she was jumping in his arms . she wont let him leave her side now. she loves her daddy very much. i am just so grateful and happy to have him back with us . i will post some pics from the home coming later, just had a few min and thought i would update

its finaly here!!!

ahhhhh om he will b home 2day! wow i never thought this day would come . i am so exited i am very ancy and feel like im crawling out of my skin! ahh im such a nerd i keep having 2 take my inhaler ahaha. ahhhhhh

so exited i am in tears!

he is on his way home just a few days now! when i found out he was headed home even though i knew when it was gunna happen i juts started crying i was so overwhelmed with excitement that its Finlay here i couldn't get 2 spend some time with him and for remmi 2 get 2 know her daddy! ahhh i feel very relieved he is coming home. i always knew he would but you cant help but fear he wont. but he is now going 2 b home! just so exited and relieved! i can stop stressin about that and now just stress that everything is perfect! hhahaha

the last few days

ahh well we are in the last few days of this dam deployment! i am so exited i am deff ready 2 have my hubby home! i got my nails done 2day and im workin on the tan. one of the girlfriends and a wife are coming over in a few 2do facials and get all purdy for are men.geezzz i wish time would speed up its going way 2 slow! haha

exited but sad and scared

well my hubby will b home in less then a week and i am so exited! i just cant wait 2 b in his arms and b able 2 kiss him and look in his eyes. everything is ready for him 2 b home all the inside decorations are hung up and the outfits are picked everything is clean and ready now its just waiting . my days seem so long and time feels like its standing still. i hate it

i am sad cuz once he gets home we are being re stationed we are going 2 MO . my whole family is in CA all my friends are here everything i know is here basically. i always talk about how much i cant wait 2 get out of CA and how much i hate it but for some reason i am scared and sad 2 leave. we will b about a hr away from sams fam which is good for him and remmi will get 2 know her other side of the fam and he will b home for 3 years. but there is so much i am scared about. i am sacred i wont have any one there i mean i know some people but i dunno its just different. sams mom and i have a interesting background. she hates me and thinks i am a slut who tricked her son in2 marrying me. she has never considered me part of the fam . she says she wants 2 work on things but i dont know. she will never b my mom. like my mom and i have a interesting relationship 2 . we fight alot and cant stand her sometimes. but i dont wanna leave my mom. i want my mom there when i get sick or when something happens with remmi or when i get pregnant again. and i dont wana leave my dad and my sisters. like my youngest sister is my best friend and i cant imagine going months without seeing her i mean i see her basically every day. i just am so scared . what if i hate it you know and i know how sam was when he was younger he was a really big partyer and had so many girls and all thoes girls will b right there. there are alot of his guy friends i dont want him around cuz they are ass wholes and all. and i know they will want 2 come around and all . and i cant really tell him he cant see his friends. but i dont know i just have so much weighing on me. like i schould just b exited but i am having alot of trouble with it cuz i am sad and scared about leaving CA.i mean i will go any were if it means i will have sam home . i dont care were it is will fallow him . but i still cant help being scared...

almost done

well this deployment is coming 2 a end and i count b happier. i will b back in his arms in less then 10 days! ahh i am so exited this has been the most stressful thing i have even been thew. we went thew a deployment when we were dating so i thought it would b easy i had done this before. i didnt think it would be this hard i didnt think i would miss him or need him this much. i am just more then happy 2 have him home.

so exited

ahhhh so we found out when they are coming home. i know how long tell i can kiss my hubby and hold him and just stop stressing and have my life back!! and its a little sooner then we had thought!!! i am sooo exited i cant wait tell he is here! omg i have so much 2 do though! haha i have a 2 page *note book paper!* to do list haha . its mostly little things and i broke down each room of what to do so i didn't forget anything but ya . hahah i am juts sooooooo exited i cant even begin 2 explain!!!

sooooo frustrating

ahhhhh so we know he will b home within the next 2 weeks but we still don't have a official date!! i hate this! i just want 2 know what day i get 2 kiss my hubby and have my life back! i am tired of the rumors of what day he will b home! i just want 2 know a date! from what i am hearing from a few people is its 5 days sooner then the tentative date they gave us which is soooooo soon and i just want 2 know i have alot 2 get done n4 he gets home and alot of it is last min stuff ahhh just soooo frustrating i check the dicta phone like 5 billion times a day haha literally like every 30 min to a hr i just want him home i miss him soooo much he basically hasnt been home in over a year and i haven't seen him cuz he has been in iraq for 7 months and i want him back!!! ahahaha i just miss him sooo dam much!

so much 2 do so little time!

omg i just realized how soon he will b home. sometime within the next 2 weeks my hubby will b home and i still have so much 2 do . i have been saying o i have a wile i will get it done . well i dont have a wile i need 2 do a major house cleaning and do a bunch of laundry and get his dress uniforms ready with his new rank and get all the posters up and all. and ahhhh i dont have alot of time. i am exited he will b home so soon but i have 2 much 2 do hahaha. i need 2 start working on it!!!!

another holiday with out him

well we are getting ready to spend yet another holiday with out sam.it sucks its one of the hardest parts of the whole deployment thing . he has missed almost every first Holiday of remmis. he missed 1st Halloween he missed thanksgiving Christmas new years her birthday, her second valentines day and now her second Easter. its just so hard we all get to gather as a family and everyone is saying how happy they are to have the family together and all but are family is missing a big part we are missing are husband/dad. its just so hard the days when we are supposed to have him with us he isn't and its just so hard . the times we are supposed to Cherish are family we don't have are whole family. i just hate it hate that he is missing so much. i hate not having my hubby home with me and that remmi goes threw so many holidays and normal days with out her daddy . it just really gets to me...

things are almost ready for him 2 b home!

well we only have 2 full weeks we aer in the 3 weekish range but only 2 full weeks! thats exiting 2 me. i did are bi grocery shopping 2 day cuz we needed food and i didnt wanna go right b4 he got home cuz i knew i would b e stressing and forget everything haha i have a few things to get the day b4 he gets home for his first dinner home. but ya. i did grocery shopping for him 2day!!! thats a exiting thing2 me hahah.theres really not much 2 do be for he gets home now. just some laundry change out the sheets so he has fresh clean ones and do a big clean on the house. and we are ready for the hubby. we have the signs and banners for the house all the flags for the yard and some other decorations. we have are shirts made and all is ready 2 have him home. i think i will put off on the big clean for another week or so just so its closer 2 him coming home then i will straighten up the day that is due home! ahh i have waited so long 2 have my hubby back with me and its getting so close i am so anxious and exited and stressed and nervous and ahhhh i am just very ready 2 have him home!

tonight

tonight i will close my eyes

fall asleep and float away

i will float across the mountains, the desert, the ocean

i will float tell i meet him half way

for the first time in in a wile i will feel content, whole,100%happy

tonight i will meet him in my dreams

he will hold me in his arms

we will dance in the clouds

we will laugh,smile,kiss

if only for a few moments i will be with the love of my life again

tonight i will wake up alone

open my eyes to tell him,and realize he is still in Iraq

i will pray for his safe return

i will blow my kisses to the moon in hopes he feels it on his cheek

one more night i will cry my self back to sleep,

tonight i will hope to meet him in my dreams

ahh drained

well i am so drained and warn out and stressed ugh just running after a 14 month old alone and trying 2 get the house ready for the hubby 2 come home and get all the signs done and getting myself ready ahh just so much going on. i am just getting so exited and anxious for the hubby 2 b home. remmi is a little monster haha she is every were and in to everything. today when i was making dinner she grabbed the box of cereal and dumped it on the floor and then came 2 me and said bite mommy. i couldn't help but laugh but it was a bad thing for her 2 do but so cute and funny cuz she was so proud of herself. haha. o and when she doesn't want you 2 hold her hand or something she will bite you well she has started warning you now. she will put your hand close 2 her mouth and say bite... and then bite you . ya trying really hard to stop that one but she just keeps doing it. ahh i dont know what to do . to night she was really upset and just kept going over to the comp asking for daddy and trying to open it so we watched videos of daddy and she just kept telling him she loved him and giving him kisses. which kills me. but he will b home so soon . we are under 3 weeks now! i am so exited! but ya that's what is new with us.

missin him alot

well to day i am really missing my hubby. i have just never felt so empty of incomplete i just hate this so much sometimes. i hate going 2 sleep with out him waking up with out him, having a dream and rolling over 2 tell him and he isn't there. i just cant Wait 2 have him home again and b in his arms. i love him so much that it hurts and i just wish i could fast forward threw the next 3 weeks. ugh i miss him

kinda sad right now

well my best friend got home a few hrs ago and i was super exited 2 see him but i couldn't help but cry cuz my hubby wasn't coming home 2day.my hubby will end up benign Iraq 2 months longer then the guys who came home 2 day, i just miss him so much . i hate this so bad but on a good note well kinda good note. we found out 2 day we have new orders we thought we would b moving about 15 min from my parents but the new orders are in MO my fam is in CA. but he wont deploy for 3 years! but its hush hush ... my fam doesnt know just yet . we just found out and i wanna make sure they dont change and i wanna tell them in peron and i will move were ever i have 2 if he doesnt have 2 deploy.. but ya that's what is new

200 days

well he has been gone 200 days today. it sucks haha . i hate that i havent kissed my hubby of looked in his eyes for 200 days. he will b home in 20 something days though!! thats nothing compared to what he has been gone!

My best friend gets home 2day!!!i am soooo exited!!!!

almost ready!

well i got alot accomplished 2day. we had already made are banner for the garage and 2 signs 2 take with us 2 the homecoming and i had already gotten a few things for the house.but 2 day i finished are shirts and made a few more signs for around the house. and My best friend will b home 2morrow so we made some signs for him! and i got a few more things for around the house!i am just so dam exited 2 have my hubby home!

during the deployment i have lost almost 20 lb have cut my hair gotten some new cloths and became alot more of a adult haha. i got some cute lingerie and all that good stuff. all i have 2 do now is my nails get my hair touched up i am whitening my teeth as we speak haha every night . i have a few mor lb 2 lose and i will b good the house is almost ready for my hubby just one more good once over and one more grocery shopping! ahh im very exited!

its just not fair

well i knew this was coming and all that and i know its the military but i am just getting so upset . well sam was at training for about 6 months before iraq, he had almost 2 months more training then anyone else cuz he would go to 2 weeks extra specialty things here and there. well he left for iraq in sep with a small group of guys to get things set up. the rest of his unit left in oct . and i was already upset he left before everyone, but i thought he would be coming home first so i was ok with it . well are 3rd group of guys will b home in the next few days. these are the guys who left in oct some came home 3 weeks ago some 2 weeks ago and now some in the next few days. my hubby who left a month before the others will not be home for 3 almost 4 more weeks. i am just so fucking jealous and sad and angry and ahh. ya . my 15 month old daughter asks me everyday were daddy and says daddy go bye bye, she thinks he lives in the comp. she trys to open my laptop she crys for her daddy and the only way she will calm down half the time is watching videos and looking at pics of him. my hubby is a exemplary marine ha has alot of very high qualifications and is moving up very fast he has picked up a rank that usually takes 8 years he did it in 3. he is very good at his job and goes above and beond he is put in higher positions then anyone his rank. but still i dont understand how they justify keeping a dad and a husband in iraq 2 months longer then anyone when most of the guys coming home dont have kids the dont have wifes they dont even have girlfriends. how is that fair or ok. i dont know i am just so upset and jealous and mad and everything . ugh . i dunno .i just miss him so much i guess...

a cluster f**k of emotions haha

so 2day was interesting 2 say the least. i woke up so exited because my hubby will b home this month. i was just ecstatic . and i got a email from him! so that made it even better! well as the day went on i was getting more and more stressed . i guess all the end of deployment emotions really started hitting me 2day. i am stressed and sad and happy and scared and anxious and ahh ya basically a cluster fuck of emotions. haha more then i can handle . plus remmi has been screaming for like 3 days straight and i am soooo stressed and pushed 2my limits with everything well i was supposed 2 get my 4th tat but the tat place was closed and i couldn't go. so i went up 2 my moms and we were just picking at each other and ended up having a big fight. wont get in2 that though. i come home and am just so pushed 2 my limits i wanna start crying ugh. well my daughter is in bed and i could really use a drink but i have no alcohol in the house! hahah. but ya i am just blah! lol. my day was just ya . ugh. i wish i could fall asleep for the next few weeks. i am so ready 2 b in his arms and kiss him and just b able 2 look in his eyes and tell him i love him.thank God he will b home this month!!!!

yay!!!!!!!!

yay!!! he will b home this month! hahah sooo exited sense its April i can now say i will b kissing my hubby this month!!!wow such an amazing feeling!!!