hate nights like last night

*sigh* well last night was one of those nights i was so wide awake and knew i needed to go to bed. i never go to bed tell at least 10 because they don't make notifications if something God for bid happened to my hubby after 10 pm. so i cant even bring myself to go try to sleep tell i know they wont be coming by to night. sleeping is hard enough sense Samuel is not home. i hate laying in our bed alone. having a bad dream and roiling over to get comfort from him and having him not be there. roiling over to cuddle with him and realizing he isn't there. its always hard. but last night was particularly bad. i was so wide awake and by 11 i knew i needed to try 2 get some sleep cuz the baby would b up by8. so i go to lay down and all i can do is cry. i just missed him so much . and wanted more then anything to fall asleep to his heart beat and his snoring haha . i never thought i would miss his snoring but i do. and it was weird i was awake and thought i hadn't fallen asleep but i woke up at 2 wide awake thinking i had never fallen sleep in the first place but i had. and be for i knew it again it was 5 am. wide awake again thinking i still had not fallen asleep. it was the weirdest thing each time i woke up i would role over to grab his arm to put around me but he wasn't there. the longer i go with out him you would think it would get easier but it gets harder . we are so close to having him home. less the 30 days now but it so hard like the closer it gets the more i miss him . i can see the light at the end but its soooo far away. i duno but ya that's what my night was like