i dunno i just need 2 vent and get everything im feeling out.i dunno if im just in a funk or im getting ppd * just had a baby 6 weeks ago* or if its just baby blues or what but somethings off.
i just feel so down and out of it . like we have alot going on though. first i just had a baby and im exhausted my hubby works 7 days a week so i dont make him get up with the baby we also have a epileptic 2 year old who im always worrying about and now we think the baby is epileptic to she has been having 2 of the 3 types of seizures her big sister has. so i worry about both of them so much. My hubby is a Marine and we got re stationed in MO about 10 months ago and I had 2 leave my fam and all and i HATE the place we are at there is nothing to do all we have is a walmart im from San Diego and all so used 2 always having stuff to do
im really missing my family and my mom and one sis came out what the baby was born but my dad and other sis have yet to see the baby and they want me to come out but i cant afford it and i just wanna go home 2 see them and i hate that i cant
my hubby is re enlisting as EOD * the bomb guys* and im really scared. his old job was working with EOD and he will actually b safer this way and we will get more money but he will b "playing" with bombs all day every day and he will b gone for 9 months at school and then back to back deployments for the first 3 years so he will basically b gone tell remmi is about 7 and presley is 5ish. wich i hate hate how sad remmi gets when he leaves for work everday and all and dont wanna see her go thew all that . he missed the first 18 months of her life and i dont want him missing more. plus i am so scared he wont come home and my girls will never know there dad
i hate how i look right now im below pre baby weight but im so unhappy with myself im not were i wanna b i feel disgusting and flabby * i work out ever day* i love my hubby and i love "being" with him but i cant even let him look at me cuz i feel so nasty i cry when he does look at me cuz i cant imagine he could think im beautiful. he tells me how beautiful i am but i dont believe he can really think that. i cant barely look in the mirror cuz i hate myself so much
my hubby just got a 2nd job so we could have money to save for going to CA to visit and all and i appreciate it but i hate that he is gone even more then he has to be. I want something to do for me. my hubby has work, the gym, soft ball, his bike, his other job, fishing/hunting and all his friends from work. i have nothing. i have 2 work out at home cuz i have the girls and i have a few friends but its more cuz our hubbys r friends or our kids are friends.
i dunno i just feel so down right now and i feel like i need a change i tryed 2 get my hair done 2 day but they couldnt get me in i dunno i just need something new and i need 2 stop stressing about the futrue i just hat enot knowing what will happen and everything. blah . i dunno i just needed 2 vent and cry i guess
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